If I can do this when I'm bored and half asleep, imagine what I could destroy when I'm fully awake.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

umm yeah...good bye forever

Yeah...I got a myspace now and they're kinda waay cooler than blogs so peace out friends..forever. I doubt I'll ever blog on here again. It's been awesome guys...arguements, drama, funny pictures, ranting, dreaming, and oh so many stupid anonymous commenters. Farewell guys. If you want to still talk to me and see all my hilarious pictures and shit..here's a link to my myspace

MY MYSPACE ->http://www.myspace.com/birdiebassbone

Bye everyone


Saturday, July 30, 2005

Back from VT..here's a quiz thing

+ Known as: Marissa
+ Lives in: East Hartford
+ School: EHHS
+ Hair color: Brown with some random orange streaks
+ Eye color: Brown
+ Style: prep/hippie/whatever fits and is comfy
+ Fears: bees

+ Cheated on someone? yeah
+ Been Cheated on? i dont think so, but anything is possible
+ Fallen off the bed? actually no
+ broken someone`s heart? ..yeah :(
+ Had your heart broken? ..yeah :(
+ Had a dream come true? yes
+ Done something you regret? yeah
+ Cheated on a test? yeah

+ Wearing? UVM tshirt and jeans
+ Listening to? the fan
+ Located? home
+ Chatting with? darren and eastman
+ Watching? the computer screen?
+ Should REALLY be doing? sleeping

+ Brush your teeth? of course
+ Like anybody? yeah
+ Have any piercing? ears
+ Drive? yes and i love it
+ Drink? ...
+ Smoke? no
+ Got a pager? no

+ Who is your best? here we go- jane, leslie, kat, joe, eastman, chris, larson, jeanie, nick, shannon, darren
+ Who do you hate? hmm do i really have to answer this one, cause if ya'll know me, you should know by now
+ Who is the shyest? darren
+ Who is the most talkative? me and jeanie
+ Who is the cutest? those sexy lifeguards (emplyed and unemployed, until they lose thier tans)
+ Who laughs the most? kat
+ Who have you known the longest? kat
+ Who have you known the shortest? eastman prolly..cause we knew eachother in kindergarten, but became friends again freshman year
+ Who do you miss the most? jane and jay
+ Who do you go to with personal problems? jane, leslie, eastman
+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex? oh yeah
+ Do you trust your friends? they're my friends because i trust them
+ Are you a good friend? i think so, most of the time
+ Can you keep a secret? most of the time

+ Hugged? nick after friendlys last week
+ Kissed? ...no comment
+ IMed? darren
+ Talked on the phone? shannon
+ Yelled at? kat prolly
+ Fell in love with? tom

+ What do you want to be when you grow up? marine biologist
+ What has been the best day of your life? some day at LMC
+ What comes first in your life? my future
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? crushes
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? the stuff i have to do the next day, the guys i like :P
+ How many times have you fallen in love? atleast once, maybe twice
+ Love your family? most days
+ Love your friends? always

+ Movie: The Notebook
+ Song: Let It Be by the Beatles
+ Group: Queen
+ Store: Earth House
+ Relative: cousin Dan
+ Sport: badminoton!!!
+ Ice Cream Flavor: chocolate chip cookie dough
+ Fruit: apples
+ Candy: M&M's
+ Holiday: new years
+ Day of the Week: saturday
+ Time of day: night, prolly around 11 PM
+ Color: blue
+ Name for a Girl: Rebecca
+ Name for a Boy: Hunter
+ Quote: "When words fail, music speaks" and "The road to a friends house is never long"

+ Like to give hugs? most def
+ Like to give kisses? lol sure why not
+ Like to walk in the rain? nope
+ Prefer black or blue pens? black omg i hate blue pens
+ Like to travel? yeah
+ Sleep on your side, tummy or back? tummy :P
+ Think you're attractive? i think so, a little
+ Have a goldfish? used to...RIP Sunflower and Garlic
+ Ever have the falling dream? nope
+ Have stuffed animals? oh yeah!

+ Abortion: i'm pro choice all the way
+ Smoking: ew
+ Eating Disorders: ew
+ Suicide: being the optimist that i am, life can always get better
+ Summer: too hot, winter rocks
+ Tattoos: be safe
+ Piercings: be safe

+ Pierced nose or tongue? nose
+ Single or taken? taken
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek? dawsons creek
+ Sugar or salt? salt
+ Silver or gold? silver
+ Chocolate or flowers? flowers
+ Color or Black-and-white photos? black and white
+ Stay up late or sleep in? both
+ Hot or cold? cold
+ Sun or moon? moon
+ Left or Right? right
+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend? one best friend
+ Mustard or ketchup? ketchup
+ Spring or Fall? fall
+ Happy or sad? happy
+ Wonder or amazement? amazement
+ McDonald's or Burger King? burger king
+ Mexican or Italian food? mexican
+ Lights on or off? off
+ Candy or soda? soda
+ Pepsi or Coke? coke

BTW guys vermont was awesome and UVM is such a pretty school...more later bye

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Good bye for now

It's been a ducky week. Last saturday, had an interview at Ricardos and Jeanie came over that night. Heh heh we made her a house and family on the Sims. Basically, they're all goths and have a, literally, stairway to heaven. We sucked the helium out of the balloons from my birthday party while listening to Pink Floyd and had the whole environment/mood going on there. Then sunday, I got my HP book (which I finished tuesday :D ) and Kat and I saw Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp!!!!!!1) and she slept over. Then Monday-Wednesday were dress rehearsals for 42nd Street. I went to Auntie Barb's on tuesday and learned how to sew and made some pillow cases. Kat's bday party was thursday, but I didnt spend much time there. Beat Chris at pool, and then headed off to Bloomfield for opening night. Friday was another show and went to Friendlys after with Leslie, Matt and Nick (thanks sooo much for coming guys XD ). Last shows were yesterday, and today I saw Willy Wonka again with Joe and Lindiwe this time, then went swimming at Joe's. Tomorrow, I'm packing and Tuesday I'm leaving for Vermont for a few days. So until then, bye everyone.

Friday, July 15, 2005

"I lost my children on Adventure River"-quoth Darren

Yeah, sorry about all the stupid surveys, guys, life has just been too boring to post on. But I figure if I put everything into one post, then maybe it'll have some quality. Ok...so I think I last updated when I got back home from camp, right? Alright so since then, I've been running errands with my mom, playing cards, doing family stuff, and been working as a lab assitant with my mom's classes at capital community college. She teaches some pre-med stuff there, and lemme tell you, the people in her classes are idiots. Went to Chilli's with Leslie, Leslie's mom, Caitlin's mom and my mom a while back. Caitlin would have been there, but stuff came up. We went to coldstone after, and once again Caitlin wasn't there due to a lack of communication about which coldstone we were going to. Jeanie's party was the next day. Crazy fun right there..ended up sleeping over except no one slept. Well, no. No one slept during the night. But once it came around 9 in the morning, everyone was asleep on different couches except for me and Nikki. She had to leave at 9, and then I just watched tv and listened to the snoring until my mom came at 10. I had rehearsal for 42nd street hours later, and then slept from 6 pm to 10 am. Uh, what else has occupied my time....rehearsal.. Oh yeah! This past Wednesday, hung out with Corey for the day. We watched this really good movie called Equilibrium, went swimming, and just hung out. Yesterday, went to Six Flags with my aunt Barb and my dear lover from Wallingford (Darren). We spent the entire morning and afternoon in the waterpark. Went on every single ride, except the kid ones, and had a blast. That toilet bowl thing (I think its called Tornado) is awesome, as is that water-roller coaster. We went on the lazy river thing, named Adventure River, just to chill and give our feet a rest. That thing is intense! Me n Darren got under this big waterfall and got saved by a lifeguard. There's also a part where these really hard jetsof water shoot down from above. Poor Darren winded up going under it in the not-best area. He won't be fathering any children for quite a while. So I think they should make t-shirts that say, "I lost my children on Adventure River". Oh, my poor Darren... Then we went on some coasters and awesome rides and got Kettle Corn and watched the Batman Show (lame) and this magic show (not lame) and went home. Hung out at my house for a little bit...hahaha I introduced him to Invader Zim and he loves it. Just makes him want cable even more. Well, thats been my boring life. Today, hanging around the house until a party tonight. I also hope to find out when Pete's concert at Gil's Coffee Shop is so that I can go. Tomorrow is hopefully out to the jazz festival in Hartford with Corey, and Sunday starts my reading of the new Harry Potter and "hell week" of rehearsal. Tata..

Monday, July 11, 2005

Life is too boring to blog on, so here's an update

Birth date: May 26, 89
-Height: 5' 7"
Eye color: brown
Hair color: dark brown with orange streaks (used to be red highlights, but the sun does horrible things to hair)
-What does your name mean: mistress of the sea
-High school graduation year: 2007
-Favorite relatives: cousin Danny and uncle Ken
-Summer memory: exploring the woods behind pitkin and houses
-Favorite TV shows: family guy, simpsons, house, the inside
-What's on your mousepad: dell stuff
-In the car- ac or windows: windows most of the time
-Do you believe in yourself: yes
-Favorite game: setback
-Favorite drink: milkshakes and eggnog
-Favorite food: mac n cheese and jamaican beef patties
-Favorite colors: blue, pink, purple and green
-Favorite cigarettes: uhh, not a smoker
-Favorite sounds: djidaridoo
-Favorite smell: pumpkin pie
-Favorite thing to do on a weekend: party
-Favorite soundtrack: Phantom of the opera
-Where do you see yourself in 10 years: either finishing up med school as a neurologist or as a marine biologist
-First thought in the morning: bathroom!!!
-Rollercoasters- hell yes
-How many rings before you answer the phone: 2 or until my parents yell at me to get it
-Are you a good friend: i hope so
-Chocolate or Vanilla cake: vanilla
-What do you drive: 2001 pontiac grand am, fire engine red
-Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: my tigger is on my bed, but i dont actually sleep with it
-Thunderstorms cool or scary: cool
-If you could meet one person in the World, who would it be: the perfect guy for me
-What is your zodiac sign: gemini
-What do you wear to bed: pj bottoms and tshirt
-Do you eat stems of broccoli: nope, enless they're in teriyaki sauce
-Guys- If a girl ever asked you for the shirt on your back, would you give it to her? N/A
-Girls- Would you ever ask a guy for his shirt? only if i know him and i wouldnt mind seeing him without a shirt haha
-If you could have any occupation when you get older, what would it be: air force officer
-If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be: lighter brown
-If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: something that totally represents me on my ankle, and a pretty bass clef on my hip
-Favorite brand of gum: the spearmint extra
-What is your favorite quote: "the road to a friends house is never long"
-Have you ever been in love: i think so
-What's on your walls in your room: posters, banner and bulletin board
-Is the glass half-empty or half-full: half full
-Which do you prefer- Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos: cool ranch
-Favorite flavor Snapple: watermelon
-Which one, Coke or Pepsi: coke
-Which kind of milk is your favorite: chocolate
-If you were to kill someone, which method would you use? stab their stomach and watch them die as the acids spread and eat out their body....or cut their head off
-Are you a righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: righty
-Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: nope
-When you meet a person of the opposite sex, you notice their: eyes and face in general
-What's under your bed: boxes of stuff
-What's the best number in the World: 26
-What is your dream car: hummer (the bigger the car, the better)
-Who is your biggest crush right now: he knows who he is (cant wait till wednesday!)
-Nickname: missa, ris, maris, fishy
-School: East Hartford high school
-Bacon Bits Or croutons: croutons
-Favorite Salad Dressing: ranch or parmesean peppercorn
-Do you Drink: uhh...
-What type of Shampoo/Conditioner: pantene proV
-Have you ever been skinny dipping: i wish, but no
-Do you make fun of people: pfft yeah
-Have you ever been convicted of a crime: nope
-Pets: cat named ShuShu
-Favorite Movies: notebook, monty python's, phantom of the opera, aristocats
-Favorite type of music: rock, jazz, techno, classical
-Hobbies: music, scrapbooking, kayaking, badminton, reading
-Word or Phrase you overuse: maybeh
-Toothpaste: crest
-Piercing or tattoos: ears
-Do you get along with your parents: yeah
-Favorite beer: mike's hard lemonade
-Favorite song at the moment: last song by all american rejects
-Most humiliating moment: aaarrg too many of those
-Favorite Holiday: new years

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Teehee, this is fun

( ) snuck out of the house
(x) saw a shooting star
(X) been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) had a serious surgery
(X) gone out in public in your pajamas
() kissed a stranger
(X) hugged a stranger
( ) been arrested
( ) done drugs…
(X innocently) had alcohol
(X) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
( ) made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
() kicked a guy where it hurts
(x) been in love
( ) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
( ) been high…
( ) skinny-dipped (chunky dunking!)
(X) innocently) skipped school
( ) flashed someone
( ) saw a therapist
( ) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(X) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
( ) gotten the chicken pox
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(X) kissed a member of the same sex
( )havent you ever kissed like babies or old people or something?! come on now.
( ) been to Japan
( ) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(X) driven over 400 miles in one day
(X) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane
( ) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show (the movie but not at the theater)
(X) been in a fist fight
( ) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
( ) stole something from your job
( ) went to a prom
( ) bungee jumped
(x) gotten lost in your city
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(X) eaten Sushi
(x) gone snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
(x) been to a rock concert
( ) been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) been to a pop concert
( ) dated someone for more than a year
( ) been in a car accident
( ) sold naked pictures of yourself
(x) slept naked
(X) eaten cheesecake
( ) done jury duty
(X) hated someone without knowing them
(x) been to maine
( ) shot a real gun
( ) milked a cow
( ) gotten in a verbal fight with a teacher
(x) dated someone older than you are
( ) ran away
( ) given someone a hickey
( ) gotten a hickey
(x) lied about where you're going
(x) flashed/mooned someone
( ) had mono
( ) beer bonged
(x) owned sexy underwear
( ) thrown up in a bar
(x) feel naked if you leave home without your cell phone


[ ] tall
[x] in between
[ ] short

[ ] blond
[ ] redhead
[x] brunette
[ ] black

[ ] blue-eyed
[] green-eyed
[] hazel eyed
[] gold/gray eyed
[ ] black-eyed
[ ] glasses
[x] contacts (not colored)

[x]braces (in the past)
[ ] freckles
[X] piercing(s)
[ ] tatoos

[ ] long hair
[ ] short hair
[x] med. Hair

Your nationality includes...
[ ] chinese
[ ] indian
[ ] taiwanese
[ ] japanese
[ ] hispanic
[ ] nicoya
[ ] puerto rican
[ ] chicana
[ ] italian
[ ] scottish
[ ] filipino
[ ] dutch
[x] french
[ ] German
[ ] Irish
[ ] Greek
[ ] Portuguese
[ ] Hispanic
[x] polish
[ ] korean
[ ] jamacian
[x] canadian
[ ] lithuanian
[ ] Native American
[x] Russian
[ ] British
[ ] African
[ ] Other
Your favorite color(s) are?
[ ] red
[X] pink
[ ] yellow
[ ] black
[x] green
[x] blue
[ ] white
[ ] silver
[x] purple
[ ] brown
[ ] orange
[ ] gray

Some sports/physical things you have done?
[ ] cheerleading
[ ] dancing
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] soccer
[ ] field hockey
[ ] hockey
[ ] rugby
[ ] softball
[ ] wrestling
[ ] gymnastics
[ ] track/cross country
[x] Basketball
[ ] baseball
[ ] golf
[ ] playing in the mud
[X] playing music
[X] hiking
[x] camping
[ ] horseback riding
[x] marching band
[X] Skateboarding

Your personality is sometimes...
[ ] annoying
[X] talkative
[ ] shy
[X] funny
[x] serious
[X] bubbly
[ ] spazzy often
[X] fun loving
[x] laid back
[ ] strict
[ ] hyper
[X] weird

The music you like is?
[ ] rap
[X] rock
[ ] pop
[ ]country
[ ] hiphop
[ ] r&b
[ ] slow jams
[ ] Christian
[x] classical
[X] techno
[x] oldies
[X] punk
[ ] Metal
[ ] reggae
[x] Goth
[ ] Latin

The pets you have are?
[x] cat
[ ] dog
[ ] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret
[ ] rabbit
[ ] fish
[ ] other

Clothes you like to wear are?
[X] plain tshirts
[x] sweatshirts
[ ] stockings
[ ] high heels
[X] sneakers
[X] jeans
[X] pajama pants
[ ] boxers
[X] underwear
[ ] dresses
[ ] mini skirts
[X] long skirts
[ ] watches
[X] necklace
[x] hoop earring(s)
[ ] toe socks
[X] flip flops
[ ] halter tops
[ ] stilletos
[x] band shirts
[x] shorts
[ ] skate clothes

How do you like to wear your hair?
[X] down
[X] ponytail
[ ] pigtails
[X] messy bun
[ ] half ponytail
[ ] scrunched/curly
[X] bun
[ ] crimped
[ ] with a bandana
[ ] French braids
[ ] lots of little braids
[x] Gel
[ ] Hat
[ ] messy
[ ] Fohawk

You eat?
[X] dessert
[x] meat
[x] diet stuff
[X] healthy foods
[X] junk foods
[x] a lot of carbs
[ ] lots of meat
[X] salad
[x] seafood

A typical friday night...
[ ] mall with your friends
[X] partying
[ ] watching movies
[ ] going to the club
[X] staying home
[ ] babysitting and getting $$
[X] hanging out w/ my friends
[ ] working while your friends are out having fun!
[x] going to gigs with your friends
[ ] other WORK

Currently you are...
[ ] in a relationship
[ ] single and lovin it
[x] crushing
[x] single and looking for someone
[ ] just broke up. . . and so sad about it.
[ ] sexually confused

Online, you use:
[x] lol
[ ] sup
[ ] =D
[X] lmao
[x] stfu
[ ] ty
[X] jk
[X] ttyl
[ ] lylas/lylab
[X] g2g
[ ] ^_^
[ ] T_T

Sunday, July 03, 2005

I'll be a noncomformist and comform..

What's on your bedside table? - lamp, books, nail stuff, glasses
What is the geekiest part of your music collection? - all my old pop stuff such as backstreet boys, n*sync and 98 degrees
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? leftovers and ice cream
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? - notebook, phantom of the opera
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done? lypo, so all over my body, and prolly make my nose cuter
Do you have a completely irrational fear? - fear of bees and of being buried alove
What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment? - blush
Do you ever have to beg? - only child, do you really think i have to
Are you a pyromaniac? - somewhat
Do you have too many love interests? - no, i just have too many that dont love me back
Do you know anyone famous? - the bass tbonist of the boston symphony orchestra and the entire low brass section of the hartford symphony
Describe your bed: its really hard according to most people, and its purple and its a twin
Spontaneous or plan? - i try to plan but i;m usually spontaneous
Who should play you in a movie about your life? - why me of course!
Do you know how to play poker? - yes, but i dont do it well

What do you carry with you at all times? sunglasses, planner, just everything in my purse
How do you drive? - well
What do you miss most about being little? - lack of responsibility and the tv shows

Are you happy with your given name? - eh its alright..i mumble when i say it so people always think i'm melissa...also people cant spell it. i love my middle name though
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? - enough to buy a nice car
What color is your bedroom? - sky blue
What was the last song you were listening to? - think of me on the phantom of the opera soundtrack
Have you ever been in a play? - yeah
Who are your best friends? - oh god too many..jane, joe, chris, larson, eastman, kat, leslie, nick, jeanie, shannon, darren, caitlin, badminton people, x teamers in general, GHYWE and CYS'ers, camp buddies, and all the people who continue to surprise and inspire me everyday
Have you ever been in love? - once
Do you talk a lot? - i dont think so, but the badminton team voted me "most talkative"
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? - i like who i am and believe in myself, but i dont like what i look like
Do you think you're cute? - sometimes, especially when i cry
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? - yes, and then i feel horrible about it

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? - yes
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?- i dont have a bf (or gf..) so my friends of course
1. If you could be any animal, which would you be and why? cat cause they have an awesome lifestyle and can do whatever they want
2. Stupidest thing you've ever done: omg too many to mention...
3. Where do you see yourself in ten years? finishing up school or living my life as a neurologist or marine biologist
4. Have you ever been so totally bored that you almost feel as if you're drunk? heh, not bored, but i've been having so much fun that i feel drunk
5. The hottest person ever: Brian McCanley
6. The stupidest person ever: *rants about ex-boyfriends*
7. What's your worst fear? bees
8. What would you do if you got locked in a grocery store on a holiday, with no way to call for help or anything like that? wait for the holiday to end, cry a bit, then OD on M&M's
9. The best song ever written is: too many to mention
10. What's the weirdest thing you remember about the last dream you had? uhh
11. Your opinion of Michael Jackson would be: uhh thriller is hot
12. Anything special planned for the summer? driving school, playing in the pit of 42nd street
13. Do you believe in ghosts? not sure
14. Best video game you've played: kingdom hearts

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Everybody Likes Pie!

Yeah so I got back from Laurel yesterday. I can't even start to go through all my awesome memories. I met this gorgeous boy scout named Brian but he's sorta a senior in college...but when I'm 20, he'll be 25! Plus I met all these amazing people and camp just totally got me back on travk in life. I'm feeling musicially inspired again, and I am ready for anything. The entire situation that was going on before camp seems fine to me now, and I'm pretty sure I can handle it. This is gonna be a short entry cause I don't wanna write about every single thing about camp. Most of it, I cannot possibly explain because it'd be like explaining the world to a newborn. What could you possibly say that shows even the slightest hint of whats it about. You can't possibly get it enless you experience it for yourself. Darren figured it out this past week, and he loves camp. I'm so proud *tear*. So if I even started to explain anything, it'd be ten times longer than I would want to cause I'd have to explain the whole picture. All I can say is that Laurel is my home, now and forever. It breaks my heart when my family doesn't come back, and I start to cry when I think I might not make it next year (CYS and the Connecticut Chuildrens Chorus might be touring Austria next June and July). I loved this past week, though while I miss camp already, I am glad to be home. It was really hot this week, and I have more mosquito bites than I care to count. Shout out to all my jazz band peeps and my adopted family of table blue-9, and everyone who made my week the highlight of my summer.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

And the Lord sayeth, "Shut the f*ck up and do my damn bidding, b*tch!"

Graduation was more tearful for me than I had thought it was going to be. I didn't cry, but I realized who was leaving. Slowly, everyone who I've relyed on for guidance and leadership is going, and soon, I have to step up and be the people that I see walking across the stage were. Also, with each graduation passing, mine comes closer, which means adulthood comes closer and I'm growing up. Believe me, I cannot wait until I'm out of the house and living on my own. But I'm not completely ready for the real world. I was gonna use the title of this entry (a quote of Nick) for my next entry which I was hoping would be happy, but I guess not. Especially since I'm at a pretty low point on the emotional roller coaster right now.

I found out some news this morning. I won't say exactly what because its their business that doesn't need to be subjected to by everyone on the internet, but this information really killed me. I knew it was coming, the only questions were when, whether I'd be ready and thus showing how much I'd be hurt. Anyone with eyes could have seen the underlying evidence, but I just denied it. And now, I have to make a huge decision, or atleast, I got a lot of thinking to do. I'm being really selfish right now, I know I am. Who am I to bring this all down? I tried to forget it today and keep my mind occupied. I cheered my self up- I did yoga, I worked out, played my new music for 42nd street, and hung out with Kathryn. But it took one look at that picture and it might as well been noon again with me crying on the phone to Jane. I just can't escape any of this. I don't wanna see the people involved cause this hurts so much. I need Saturday to come right now so I can escape all of you and go to camp. At Laurel, nothing matters to anyone. You can escape "drama and who likes who and why this hurts so damn much" for a week and just care about who will win the volleyball match, or what crap the boy scouts are making for dinner. It's the most peaceful place on earth that I've ever known, and I need my jazz band brothers and sisters right now. People who have been raped and gone through the worsr evils of life go to Laurel to heal. The support of fellow musicians and the friends who you see 1 week a year make a difference in the world. Right now, I need to escape.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Who's the Big Fish Now?

According to Leslie, my blog is boring...well atleast I have a blog..well I know what she's saying, I never update and well, yeah its boring. But you guys read it and leave weird comments so its all good. Anyway this week has been fun. I'll start off with last Friday which was Danielle (my birthday buddy, go May 26!!)'s birthday blast up at Hill Top. Due to unforseen circumstances, turns out Kenny was having a party right below us in the basement. So all us preps were upstairs and, well there were preps downstairs too cause some idiots were going down there, getting high, and then coming and being morons at our party. People were doing some interesting things on the hill

and the party was not at a loss of juicy gossip and dancing. Hung out with Alex (get better soon!!), Sam, Emily, Keith, Danielle, Ally, Mike, Larson, and a bunch of others. And Leslie was there, so of course we played set back. We are so obsessed, and I mean the whole J-Crew. We play at parties, at Cold Stone, and they (not me) even played at prom!! But let it be on the record that I beat Leslie the other night..not once, but TWICE!

Then the next day was my birthday party. Oh man, that was a good party. I'm pretty sure everyone had fun. It was cool, cause everyone had something to do and people who I thought were gonna kill eachother got along. I mean, at one point, Jeanie, Shannon and Nick were all hanging out playing guitar and bass. Darren, Chris, Joe and just about everyone played badminton. Me and the bocce boys (Nick, Eastman, Larson and Chris) did just that. And the whole night ended with a campfire and I was a happy camper and, yeah it was just an awesome night. Plus, I love my presents, even Darren's box of death. Love you guys *muah*.

Went to Joe's on Sunday and swam and tanned. Always a good time there.. Monday was dinner out to Friendlys with the Buzz staff. More than half of us are leaving due to being seniors so it was an emotional occassion...NAH it was just fun cause whjen you put me, Caitlin, Kimmy and a bunch of Shirley Temples together..the results are endless and usually ends up in soda being splurted out people's noses (not mine for once!). Tuesday was a half day cause of the heat so I went to Ashtyn's and swam. Chris, Leslie, Eastman and Nick joined in on the fun too. And what did we do other than swim, chicken fights, eat food and harass eachother? Why play setback! Wednesday was boring cause I went home. Hung out with Jane after exams on Thursday. Friday went to lunch and ice cream with Eastman and Leslie. Then hung out at the Leslie cave and then splet over and tried to play DDR with the faulty pad and then cleaned her house to get ready for Project Polar Bear!!

Wait, Eastman knows about it now, so I can say it: Project Polar Bear was our random name for Eastman's SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY YAY!

wait, not THAT kinda party

It was a huge effort to keep it a secret, but we did it. He only suspected once he saw Peter's car at Leslie's on his way over to "fix her computer". The party was so much fun- we blew up stuff, played cards (what else is new), had a fire and everyone except the underpriveledged me, Nick, Carolyn and Ashtyn went to see Batman Begins.

Sunday was nothing special for me- ran errands and put in an application at Pier 1. Then Monday was another day of summer vacation except we had to take the stupid band exam in the morning. Then off to Peter's for a pool party and birthday party. Awesome people there and it was fun. Too bad we couldn't get the pyramid to work... But chicken fights and lifeguarding the swim team relays and food and cards (duh) and pool and swords, light sabers and yeah it was fun. I had to leave for a few hours for trombone lessons, and then my mom had to pick me up at 9:30 cause I am "sick". Bullshit, I feel fine.

Now today is the last day of me being a sophomore/un-official junior. Tonight is graduation whcih will include tears, cards (do I even need to say it anymore?) and food. Beginning tonight, I will start my life as a junior (upperclassmen hell yeah) and unofficial senior (wink Eastman). Smurdom here I come. Actually, I dunno if I want to be a smurf after seeing that disgusting video on funnyjunk.com. I dont wanna lick smurf butts..
I was about to post a picture, but thats just disgusting.
Anywhoo, tomorrow is the first day of summer vacation where I don't have to do anything school related, thursday is a dentist appointment and friendlys/bowling with the polar bear crew, friday is a party and I leave for Laurel on saturday!! If I dont post before then, have a great start to summer guys! Gauthier out..

Monday, June 06, 2005

What's going on, eh?

Nothing better to do..seems like I'm the only one who sort of updates these days..well Dan does too..but the Matt's should more often. Anyway, life is pretty normal. Saw prom pictures from Friday, everyone looks so nice :) I'm just glad there's no pictures of some of the dresses Nikki described...or the girls in those dresses..eww..

I did a lot of shopping this weekend...getting ready for the party. Had my CYS concert on Sunday and it was amazing. Oh man, it was so good. I was beat afterwards. But I had enough energy to go out to eat and get shrimp scampi (mmmm yummy).

Here's a funny story, but not haha funny, more of goddamn that sucks funny. So there's this kid Corey in GHYWE and CYS that I kinda like (I think I've mentioned him before), and well, between our dress rehearsal and concert, they gave us an hour to spare so me and Corey went for a walk in Bushnell Park. It was really nice, we talked, discussed my utopia project, and yeah it was great. But, throughout the day I found out two things. Good news: We like eachother. Well, I should say we likED eachother because the bad news is that as of Saturday, he has a girlfriend. If I had told him even a week before about how I feel, I would have a boyfriend now. So there's my bad luck.

Nothing much happened today, except Mr Reid's room was a sauna so we went to the IB lecture hall for the 1st period, and went outside for the 2nd (we had lab today). Taht was fun, me n Ally (Ryan) tanned :) The day was pretty uneventful, though, the most interesting is more of whats going on in my head right now. I don't know what I wanna do in band next year. If my current position of head brass is still existent, then I will definitely go out for that. I'll do it for the seniors who believe in me (Mike Farrel, John, Dave, Matt and most of all, Jay) and for everyone in band who loves me and supports me. But, I don't know if I wanna do section leader. It's really stupid of me not to wanna do it, but I don't wanna compete with someone who I won't mention in this blog beyond the reference "oink oink". I'm actully kind of hoping that this person gets drum major so I won't have to deal with them in my section, but then the other part of me shoots the part that is insane and says "wtf are you thinking???". I have to deal with this person in triplicate next year... But I really don't know..time to think out loud.

I guess I could deal with being just an ordinary band member. But I would get so frustrated. Once you have some power, its hard to let go. I never want to participate in another march off, or have to answer to someone other than Brittney, Owen, Tom, Nick, Zigmont, Ms White, Mr Kay, Matt or who ever the junior DM is gonna be. I also don't wanna give up my hat (its a secret shh...ask me if you wanna know and maybe i'll tell you) :P. Most of all, though, like I mentioned before, I gotta be head brass for my guys in the class of '04. Whenever I get sad or frustrated with band, or whenever I feel like quitting, I read what they wrote to me in my yearbook. Mike tells me to keep the 2 year legacy, and Matt and Dave tell me how talented I am. John gives me advice with life and signs it, "Always your brother and friend". And Jay, well he meant the most to me last year, and his message is just so nice, and it cheers me up. If they believed in me, then I should too. And I gotta say, I love my friends in band who support me in everything. Nick, Eastman, Lelsie, Larson, Sam and everyone else, thanks. It's because of the fact that you believe in me that...well..I'll do it. Yeah, I've decided. I'll go for head brass again, and even section leader. As long as I have you guys behind me, I can do it :)

Head brass or bust!

Friday, June 03, 2005

I Love French Polka

Thanks to everyone who cheered me up with that last post. I'm sorry, that was really dramatic of me, but I figure everyone's gotta vent once in a while. See, thats my problem- I hold all my anger in until it explodes and makes a mess that I gotta clean up (ew). But still, thanks guys.

Been feeling better lately, and these last few days have been fun. Yesterday was depression at the end of the day again, but then I went and put in a job application at Parks n' Rec and today I put one in at Super Pet. School was mad crazy today..here's a run through.

A- Sharma was all dictater-like today and Nikki got uber-pissed...it'll be funny when she goes to the department head
B- Thank god "someone" fessed up to stealing a test cause i didnt want to take anohter one
C- Piano...Jason and I actully messed up! That's a first
D- Reid was red but what else is new...."i dont tell you what color to be"-Reid
E- since all the seniors and Futtner left for prom, me Jason and Karina helped pack up madame's room cause she's moving to 148. she was playing some french polka and me and jason danced for no reason...good times though. i dont think Mme hates us as much anymore
F- english was in the computer lab and i played solitare
G- I got to play tuba in band yayayayay

Maybe it wasn't so interesting...wow this is a boring entry, sorry guys! I'll update it again this weekend maybe..peace OUT

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

It figures..

Heh, it figures...life has been awesomely good lately, so I had to know that a down day was coming. Today's that day. My entire body hurts, from my legs and stomach to my heart. I don't even know what it is exactly, but it sucks. I'm feeling hopeless and heartbroken. I mean, I'm listening to "All I Ask of You" and "Music of the Night" from the Phantom of the Opera- the 2 songs that can make me cry. You should really listen to the lyrics, they're beautiful. Music of the Night is just gorgeous and...I don't know why it effects me so much. But with All I Ask of You, it's exactly what I'm wishing for. I've been single since July/August (?) and it's starting to get to me. I'm tired of being alone. I'm naturally a person who's happier in a relationship..I'm that unstable. I miss someone loving me. I need someone there to remind me that I'm worth something. Instead, I get ignored and beaten down. Just as I think something's happening, it stops. Now, I'm sitting here wishing I could talk to someone...but no one cares. I feel so alone in this world. I wish life was perfect..I wish I was with him. I'd be the only one he sees. I'd be first priority..but in reality, I'm no where near the top. I try and I try with no success...and its not for one guy its for multiple!! I feel so alone, so unwanted, and I feel alone

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Sixteen is very sweet

Happy Birthday to me! Yeah, thursday was my birthday and we went to Lake Compounce on a field trip. The day was fun except for when Nick and Eastman were mean, but they made up for it. The group was me, Leslie, Eastman, Nick, Jane and Shawna. Fun times...only went on 3 rides (?) but we played cards all afternoon. I also officialy declare Nick as my favorite set back partner cauise we SLAUGHTERED Eastman and Leslie. Buah ha ha. The coolest part of the day was when the entire bus sang happy birthday to me :) Thanks for prompting that, Leslie. Oh man, so many jokes throughout the day. We were burning eachother 24/7. I got the entire back of the bus hahahahahahahahaha. Eastman had his deflected burn (I tried to burn him, but he put it on Leslie) and well, everyone got picked on.

The night before, me n Leslie slept over at Caitlins. I can now say with all confidence that I am not lesbian or bi. I knew I was straht before, but after Caitlin grabbing my boobs and sitting on me, yeah I'm pretty sure I'll always love men ;D Also congrats to Carrie Underwood for being the next American Idol...I called that from the start. Bo still rocks, though. Oh, and we toasted my birthday at midnight. I had my first 16-year-old drink..
damn right

And before that whole party at Caitlin's, me, Leslie, Eastman, Peter and Nicole went to Cold Stone. That's damn good ice cream. Too bad Nicole had to leave and not get ice cream. You know you're obsessed with cards when you play setback at the booth at the ice cream place. But, they're all more obseesed than me, cause they even played at prom! Well, IF I had gone, well, I would have played too.

Now jump to Friday. I took a mental health day cause I deserved it and I got my permit and I drove around MCC and I drove home!! OMG driving is the best ever!! It's totally made my birthday so awesome. I drove to the dairy today :) Then we had a tag sale at Aunt Sally's for girl scouts and sold a ton of crap. Now I'm home and chillin. I love being sixteen..

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

DO NOT make me angry

Now, I've never been the one to gripe about Miss Dempsey. Sure, she picks her battles with others, but I've never had a problem and I find what she does fair. But holy shit did she cross the line today. We all know Eastman and Miss D have their problems and don't see eye to eye on, well, most to all things. But for some reason (which I have to figure out), she decided last night that the trio that was Me, Eastman and Dan on the Utopia Project is now no more. Eastman is supposed to work by himself. What the fuck??? She doesn't want him to bring down me n Dan's grades. Bullshit..I wouldn't have asked Matt to work with me if I was concerned about that. I trust him, and I trust Dan, and I know that when we need to get in gear, that our team will work. Matt might not do his homework, but when its a group and people are couting on him, he'll do it. We've gotten a lot of work done and have plans to work on stuff at our houses. But, she just comes in and "oh guess what? eastman is going solo. and dan n marissa? You can work with harshav" I am royally pissed right now, and you guys know that I don't get pissed off easily. I get annoyed and frustrated, and I vent, but it takes a helluva lot to make me actually vent for this amount on my blog. I've been venting this all day. I'm going to try to talk to her after class tomorrow or something cause this just isn't fair.